Day 8 - Quarters

Still slightly sick today and just very weirdly out of it. Consequently, I'm afraid this also won't be much of a post.

After I left class today, I passed a girl fishing for quarters for the meter, presumably to attend the beginner class for which she was already two minutes late. She asked me for change for a dollar, and I begrudgingly obliged. You see, I put forth a lot of effort to hoard and build up my quarters (not just not spending them, but carefully giving change so as to optimize the amount of quarters I receive in return). Now, I know the kind and correct thing to do was to give this poor, flustered girl my quarters (although, I might point out that just around the block is free parking, where I always park and make the trek), but I still felt somewhat annoyed about it. When I told this to my boyfriend on the phone after class, hoping just to vent and hear his agreement, he said I should just feel good that I did something nice and he couldn't understand feeling annoyed. Say what! Am I crazy? I have no problem doing favors for people, strangers or not, but this just felt like my giving up something I work for just to help someone who was late and too lazy to walk around a corner. How is that fair? Sure, I'll do it, but can't I be annoyed too? All I needed was someone to say "yeah, that sucks." Cause, yeah, it sucked!

Blah, I can tell I'm cranky and a little loopy. So that's all, folks.

Day 7 - Sick

Whoops, it looks as though I've lapsed already in my pledge to post everyday... That can't inspire any confidence... Well, rest assured, I won't let my failure to be perfect deter me from continuing to try, as it may have in the past. In any case, I kind of have an excuse? Actually, I hate excuses - I really do - because I feel mostly you're just better off sucking it up and owning up to whatever you did. Oh well, though, it's my blog, and, if I want to explain why I disappeared, that's my prerogative! So... I went to my boyfriend's for the weekend, which in and of itself would not have precluded me from posting, but then I also got sick! Even as I type now, I gotta say, I'm a little doped up on dayquil! Feeling much better, though!

Be back soon!

Day 4 - Friday Funday

Nothing too exciting today. I did make a head shot selection to print out. I tend to be pretty indecisive about stuff like this, but fortunately I'm feeling really confident in my decision. Yay!

Also, don't worry about the fight last night with my boyfriend (as though anyone is actually reading this and worrying!). It was actually just kind of comical by that point. We fight rarely, and, when we do, we typically resolve things pretty quickly and without too much collateral damage. Already done!

Now, Friday night, Friday night. I ain't got no plans. I'm considering kicking it at home with a vodka soda. I know people say you know you have a drinking problem when you drink alone, but I really don't feel that way. I rarely drink, but I occasionally I do find it fun to chill with a spirit or two and watch something brain-cell-depleting like Jersey Shore or just facebook lurk. In fact, watch out facebook world, I just might be creepin' on you tonight!

Touching Today:
Thinking about that moment where someone says something deeply upsetting, but you don't want them to see how much it has upset you. So you hold it in just long enough to get out of sight (in a car, behind a car, etc) and then let it all out. (Don't worry; nothing to do with the silly boyfriend fight or anything in my life, for that matter!)

awful dinner

save me from an awkward dinner with my boyfriend! we are in a fight and sitting tensely across the table from each other in silence. he invited me, im sure, to not be rude. and i, in turn, could not be rude and refuse. now our eyes are nervously dartingaround the room, and the only rare points of interest are peppered in when we both dare look at each other at the same instant, only to quickly, angrily look away when the other isnt ready to cough upan apologetic smile. what fun!

Day 3 - Picking Head Shots!

This is going to be a fast and boring post, I'm sure. I've been fairly busy today, and now my boyfriend is on his way over for the evening. But a promise is a promise!

I'm still working to sort through my head shots and find ones everyone can agree upon, but instead I'm finding that I disagree with the general consensus on pretty much all of them. I guess I'm supposed to go with the majority opinion? Especially since these are people who know me and what I'm like and actually see me outside of a mirror. Nonetheless, I just want to pick all the glamour shots! We'll see, we'll see.

Wow, when I first started this, I imagined I'd get into the swing of writing these witty little anecdotal posts that would magically draw people in. That just doesn't seem to be happening... Either I'm doing a poor job of remembering the funny things that happen to me or they just haven't been happening! Next time one does, I'll race right here, I promise!

Till tomorrow!

Touching Today:
A show with a mother talking about moving on from the death of her son. For one split second in time, I could actually imagine (or come closest to someone without a child being able to imagine) what it would be like to birth something, watch it grow, and then die before you. Unfortunately (I say only because I'm supposed to be exploring these emotions, no matter how unbearable), as soon as it washed over me, it was again gone. That's the problem so far. These touching moments are so fleeting, and I can't seem to recreate them once the novelty is gone. Hopefully, in time.

P.S. I did not have tuna for lunch!

Day in the Life

Day 2. I have decided what this blog will be. Not the theme or the entry type, but at least its meaning to me. I will post in this blog every day, for at least a year, and it will be a way of being held accountable. To something. Everyday I will have to find something to write about (even if it's just "for lunch, I had tuna" or "In Vegas, no time to write" <-- though I much prefer the latter), some way to put my stamp on the day. Also, and this isn't a necessity, I'd like to list any events, sightings, or moments that really touched me for the day. Perhaps this could be a small list or mere item or two at the bottom of the post. My acting teacher recommended it some time ago as a way of logging and eventually coming to some general sense of what moves each of us personally in life.

I think I spend too much time dwelling on what could have been or how I could have lived my life. While self-reflection is a meaningful tool for self-discovery and determining how we'd like to move forward with our lives, it's ultimately rendered useless if we ruminate in it for too long. Sure, I've made mistakes. I've meandered through life, putting off any real movement forward, but this is not reason enough to halt any future growth. In fact, the moment I start moving forward and growing will be the moment I can let go (to the largest extent one can ever release regrets anyway) of those doubts harbored and be confident I'm now living to the fullest. I want to be there. I will be there. If I can just make each day better than the day before it, I just might be able to make something of this life after all.

Touching Today:
http://www.zenmoments.org/the-cab-ride-ill-never-forget/

Renewal

Day 1. Moment 1. The beginning. Of course, it isn't really the beginning at all. My life, as I know it, has not really just begun. Nor, for that matter, has my life in Los Angeles. Yet, somehow, this very instant in time feels as though it is a rebirth for me. A second chance, as every minute is, to start doing everything differently. This isn't to say I've been doing everything terribly wrong. But better, I could do better. Since moving to lovely LaLa Land, I feel as though I've become more stagnant - rather than doggedly pursuing the very dreams that drove me here, I've recoiled from them and into myself. This past weekend marked one of those rare occasions (equal only to, and perhaps surpassed by, New Years) where you feel as though you're granted an elusive reset button, and optimism abounds. It was my birthday. 27. I am not old, but by no stretch am I young and carefree enough to say I can rightfully fritter away my time in youthful folly. Who can, I suppose.

And so here it goes. I cannot, at this moment, say with absolute certainty what this blog will be. New ventures, silly stories, memorable anecdotes (or maybe even more pensive drivel). In any case, I intend to remain true to this and willingly follow wherever it may lead.